Hi, I'm writing here because I couldn't figure out how to leave a comment and I didn't want to edit the page:
Am I crazy, or has the definition for alterous attraction changed slightly since the last time I looked at it? I don't remember there being anything about wanting your 'best friend to also be your lover', I thought it said something about not [necessarily] needing your feelings to be reciprocated [in any particular way].
Like, the way I saw it, this word beautifully described my schrodinger's cat style of attraction, where I just really really like someone and it isn't actually filtered through a platonic or romantic lense (I tend to lean towards platonic because of my upbringing, but like if the other person decides to ask me out while I'm feeling like this I'll just be like
"Oh yeah that is what this is isn't it, that makes sense." But if they don't ask me out, that's not something I'm thinking about and not something I at all regret not happening.
It still says this describes something between platonic and romantic attraction (yay!), but I don't think wanting your best friend to also be your lover is what this word is, I think it more means that it could be either/or (OR both like it says now) and it doesn't really matter or make a difference to the person experiencing the alterous attraction (me and possibly you in this case!).
I can also see that this edit might have been made to make this word more relatable/accessible to someone who doesn't experience it, but I don't think that's very helpful in the long run!
Oh right, also, I do agree that something Did need to be changed though, because I don't think this word Necessarily comes with not wanting your feelings reciprocated, though that could absolutely be true for some people in some cases.
I think it's more like, if you're experiencing heavy alerous attraction, other people might see that as a crush or a squish and be confused that you don't need the other person to show that exact kind of feeling back, or like be confused by you not being sad that the person doesn't want to ask you out/confused if you're genuinely happy for them when they end up dating someone else or have a different best friend. (I'm using other people's input as an easy example, not a rule)
I don't think that's always true, like I think you definitely can experience this emotion and be sad if you're not the other person's favorite Something at least. But in my experience, some amount of reciprocation is always necessary, it just also might appear just as nebulous (hard to define and pin down) as alterous attraction itself, which is harder to define. It's more about like, looking for the other person's version of that kind of love, or just signs that they truly deeply care about you too, and it doesn't matter in what way.
(the fact that it doesn't matter how they reciprocate/can be nebulous might have been what the previous definition was trying and somewhat failing to get at, but I believe this edit goes too far in the other direction and makes the word into something I can no longer relate to as heavily, or just link people to without having to explain it better).
Thank you for reading <3 -(Ezra, 21, he/they, figuring life out in Michigan)